The scariest thing about labour and delivery

A full bladder woke me up again the other night. I had just gently pushed myself up to sit on the edge of the bed when, halfway to standing up, a broad stroke of sharp pain squeezed my pelvis. It cramped so hard that I had to lean on the wall so I wouldn’t fall. And without warning, a grievous pressure began pushing my lower back.

It took me a few seconds of breathing to recover. But just as I was about to put my foot in front of the other, a more vicious spasm took over. It prickled longer than it ever did to a point where I thought it would split my private part open. And in that dark, cold room — with the soft buzz of Salman’s snore humming in the background — I realized: “So, this must be it.”

I remember telling myself “No, you can’t be going on labour just yet… You still have one more assignment to write!” Then, I woke up, lying comfortably on my side of the bed.

The scariest thing about labor and delivery
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You have no idea the relief that followed that dream. Getting another two or three weeks, at most, to do more tasks — my freelance responsibilities, assembling the crib, rearranging pieces of furniture in our room, disinfecting the house — in preparation for our firstborn’s coming is everything.

But I think, the most important preparation I still need to do is the mental one.

See, my pregnancy has been uneventful, fortunately. I didn’t fall or anything like that. Save for the two months of agonising encounter with Hyperemesis Gravidarum in my first and early second trimesters. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes on my seventh month, but it was very easy to manage. Generally, it was fine. I was at my happiest, and I haven’t been feeling any discomfort just yet. Even on my 38th week, my feet are still not swollen. I still can’t see any stretch mark at all.

The scariest thing about labor and delivery
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Not that I’m complaining. This just leaves me feeling like I’m right smack in the middle of calm before the storm. I’m hoping that a series of Braxton-Hicks contractions can help me gauge the sort of pain I would need to manage on my D day. But the fact that they haven’t come yet actually makes me more anxious and scared.

Scared, not about the pain of the actual delivery, but more about what would happen during the moment I would be pushing. I fear that I might not have enough power to push my baby out safely. I fear that I might not be able to know how to push at all, which could leave my baby stressed out and God knows what could happen.

But none of these beat the scariest thought that I had been struggling to get off at the back of my mind: What if my baby didn’t come out healthy and normal? What if he’s sick? I don’t know how I would be able to forgive myself, knowing that I haven’t done everything in my power to make sure he’s healthy and strong when I can.

grayscale photography of woman kneeling on area rug
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

 

But I have strong faith in the Lord, and I will leave everything to him. I also believe that the team of health experts, who have been taking care of me and my little one. I also find comfort in the results of all the tests that I have undergone and that everything seems to be looking good and right within schedule.

If you manage to get down to this part: I hope you can spare a little of your time to say a prayer for my family and I. I hope that everything goes well and that we’ll see a happy, bouncing Christmas baby boy in my arms soon.

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41 thoughts on “The scariest thing about labour and delivery

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  1. I’ve been keeping you in my prayers. You can do this girl!

    And girl, the things you’ve mentioned, I pretty much hit those points haha like not knowing how to push (didn’t have enough/any exercise) but everything turned out well, by God’s grace. Just trust in Him and the team of doctors. And take everything one day at a time. You’ve got this!

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  2. Oh gosh, Rio! Thank goodness it was all a dream! I suddenly remembered my D day two years ago, don’t worry too much mommy, I know baby Ezra is going to come out to this world strong & healthy because you took care of him and of yourself all the way until the big day! P. S. I’m so jealous you don’t have any stretch marks! You go girl!!!!

    Mary

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  3. You will be great! Congratulations! Thank you for sharing because I know plenty of people can relate! I was scared too but it’s the best kind of scary/nervous feeling.

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  4. Hey, best of luck, and I know you are strong enough! Miracles happen, and God knows how far and how hard we can take, so be strong and have faith. Miracle sometimes happen in the end. Birth is such a surprising and memorable incident 🙂

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  5. You are going to be wonderful! Even without practice our bodies know what to do. Just keep thinking of the end goal and know that however you and your team of doctors get you there, your baby boy will end up in your arms. Hope you get to meet him soon!

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  6. All you fears are natural and it goes differently for every woman. A lot of it is also out of your control too. You’ll never feel totally ready but you just will be when it happens. Make sure your bag is packed for the hospital, car seat is sorted for returning hom and a moses basket or crib is there and everything else can wait. It’s so exciting xxxxxxx

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    1. Yeah, I guess you’re right! 🙂 Just had to let it out and savour every feeling of it while I’m in this phase 🙂 Check, check, and check on the to-do list. It’s just really waiting on the baby to come out on his own time. Can’t wait 🙂

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  7. Your baby will be fine, you know it! I remember being heavily pregnant with my first child in December 2010, and at the quiet time between Christmas Day and New Year, I convinced myself I was in labour several times. She wasn’t due until early February, and she arrived on 20th January, two weeks earlier than anticipated. You never know how your labour will progress, so just try to breathe through it and trust your medical team. Mine lasted approximately twelve hours, I was so exhausted in the end that they had to use forceps and an episiotomy to get the baby out, because I had no strength left to push. She was healthy, and although my recovery was painful, I still did it again two years’ later. We have strength inbuilt for childbirth, I reckon. Merry Christmas! 🙂

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    1. What an incredible story! Glad to hear you both recovered fine 🙂 Thanks for sharing, we do have some similarity. My OB says he’s a fan of the vacuum, which I don’t want to picture in my head 😅

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  8. I remember worrying about having everything prepared for my son’s nursery but I was calm about the delivery. I worked up until two weeks before he was born but I just knew that I would end up having a C-section. The hours that I spent in labor weren’t as bad as I thought they would be or that other women go through. You’ll be fine, mama! Once your child is born, everything seems so worth it.

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  9. Will definitely be keeping you in my prayers. I know the feeling of waiting for a newborn, I’ve done it 4 times myself. You are right, the fear of finding out there MIGHT be something wrong with the newborn is scary. My 2nd came 2 weeks late, umbilical cord around her neck and had a bowel movement while in the womb. Being told that they had to take her to the NICU for “observation” was one of the scariest moments in my life. However, she was healthy and came home with me 2 days later.
    However, later we found out that she had epilepsy and to this day, I always wonder if that stressful birth experience is the cause of her epilepsy. It may not be, no one ever gave me an answer to that question, because the doctors don’t know, but I will always wonder about that.
    Good luck with your birth and newborn experiences. There is nothing better than holding the newborn in your arms for the first time. You will fall in love with it and it’s a love that can not be explained or shared.

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    1. Thanks for sharing your story. You’re a strong woman for being able to accept and to take care of your baby, who definitely needs your love and care. Hope she will do better and defy odds. I will try to be as calm and positive as possible and looking forward to getting that incredible feeling ❤️ All the love for you and your children 🙂

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